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So, understandably I'm finding this whole situation hard. 2 days without communication. It's really hard considering we've spoken pretty much everyday for the last 6 months. I get that I have to give him time and space. I've never been good at this. I know that's it's not me, that it's his shit, but it feels like it's me.
I guess I just have to wait it out and hope for the best. It's gonna be really really hard.

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I'm sat outside work waiting. I have no keys. You know people look at you funny if yr just sat on the ground... Could be that the leopard print, red hair and red lipstick that also adds to the weird looks.
It feels like autumn you know. Like I need a boy for snuggles and DVD watching. But general all boys just want a f*** I mean sure we all know that already.. But I want more than that... Because I want it to mean something. Jesus how Emo do I sound?
I guess I'm feelings bit lonesome of late... Got suckered in by one too many movie romances I think. Unhealthy.
So I'll listen to some more gaslight and wait... And wait... And wait

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Hmmmmmmmmmmm...
I clearly suck @ remembering to write anything... i guess thats because not a lot of vast excitement has been occuring lately.. work, work, avoiding my mom and a little more work thrown in for good measure...
If there was only something to actually do at work i'm sure life would be just fine, and i wouldn't think about the impending unemployment come september... but alas.. i do :(
I guess i really should have some sorta plan, but i don't. I have no clue... and well.. its like 2 months away... sigh. maybe i should start trying to figure it out.. xoxo
 
 
 
 
 
 
The Universe constantly amazes me.
When i give up hope on things and put them aside, somehow the universe throws me a curve ball and i just don't know... ha ha
The days are currently merging into one, I'm at Ryde and Shanklin Theatre and i've lost the day entirely. I have Zombie brain i think. But thats kinda normal..
I am also broker than broke, which really sucks, esp as my car needs a MOT. I mean i have money for that, but if she dies it'll break my heart. I am far too attached to Betty.

It would seem that everything and nothing is going on... and its good and bad, i mean its all kinda a blur. Like i was saying to my mom the other day, how, when you're a Kid the time goes sooo slowly, but somehow as an adult, the time is flying by. I mean, I'm not 29.. Like how the f*** did that happen? i am mostly confused by it all...

I did have the best birthday weekend thou, amazing fun, although some of that might of been down to a hot boy.. he he ..
I must stop obsessing, that would help...
xoxo
 
 
 
 
 
 

Saturdays drunken fun....

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Amazing.. its clearly been forever since i wrote here, mainly because i forgot I had it, and no one else even reads it....I only remembered i had it when they emailed me to remind me it was my Birthday... Cuz i'd forget that.

I do have some Birthday blues going on.. I'm 29 this year.. which means the big three oooo next year, and i guess there's just always this idea of what you're meant to of done by that time in your life...and i am no where near any of the ideals that others have, I know its just a number, yaddy, yaddy, yaddy and i guess if things were different in my life i wouldn't even be blinking an eye lid, but i don't know what i'm doing in my life or where i'm going, so the uncertainty really adds to that.

Plus its almost a year since my ex broke up with me. Don't get me wrong, that was the best thing that ever happened to me, and i'm fine being single, i guess i just regret being hurt by potentials over the last year. I need to be able to let go of it all, but i can't quite figure out how to do it.. It affects any future potential as well, as i wonder if they will do the same thing. Lame i know, and you shouldn't Tar everyone with the same brush, (that would be a shed load of Tar for a start)as everyone is different, but they always seem to go the same way, and i don't want it to always be me thats the issue...
anyways, i'm just installing the Live Journal app on my iPhone, so i should hopefully update it more!!!
 
 
 
 
 
 
Well, i'm kinda sworn off boys right now.. The last one was again a pussy, i really don't understand why people just can't be honest.
Anyway i shall focus on myself and then i will become better and get over the hurt which has occured. i need to heal myself before i can even think about being with someone else. I will actually do it this time, opposed to every other time when i say i will.. ha ha
My brain isn't functioning so well right now.. so i'll write when it becomes clearer.
 
 
 
 
 
 
I can't believe it's happened again. A seemingly great guy lies to me yet again, and doesn't even have the balls to tell me its over. I can't believe i fell for it again. It keeps on happening. Its like i have a tattoo on my forehead that says please fuck me over. They know about the last and they know i am a straight talking girl, so why fucking lie to me to hurt me some more. It fucking hurts, its makes me cry and i can't be done with it anymore. I've got to build me some gigantic walls and not let ppl in to fuck me over. I know why i get so hurt, i have huge rejection issues.I'm gonna try and figure it out... but, i haven't so far so i'll keep on being this way.. ha ha
 
 
 
 
 
 
So,
This is my first blog here at Live Journal.. exciting stuff.. my head is swimming today. I've Just moved a load of chairs and hoovered and done a million things all by myself so i'm tired, and i can hear weird noises, which is not good while you're in a building by yourself.
Anyways, i'm feeling mostly angry at the moment. The boy situation which you know nothing about, is on my mind. I'm angry at the very fact i should wait for someone to choose me.. You either want me or you don't, it can be, and IS that SIMPLE, so stop wasting my time.. i know you're confused, but c'mon now.. be a f**k up by yourself. I am more than fucked up enough without people saying they want me, when they don't. Yes, as you can see i lack patience, but the pennies keep on dropping and i'm tired of all the bullshit. I'm a straight talking Grrl, people know this, people say they like that about me, yet don't treat me with the same respect. Grr..
I'm a Gemini, so i am always in two minds about everything.. i see both sides and it kills me.. I need to figure out my own head and stick with that decision. It is simple. I wish we (just humans in general) didn't feel the need to over complicate matters. Make it easy, cut out the grey area and deal with it..
Wow, i sound awful for a first blog. I'm just pissed off and wishing that many things were different. I guess it is up to me to change it. Fate only takes you so far...
thats it for today, well for now... i may ramble later.